Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
