I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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