well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize