it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
