my sisters under your porch take her home
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
