first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
