if i can run in heels then i can drive
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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