There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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