Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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