Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
