doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
