He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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