Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
