You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
