yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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