Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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