I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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