Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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