It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
