I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize