Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
