guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no, he came in my armpit
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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