Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
we should paint friendship bongs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
