Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
