you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
