Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
