She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
