So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
