I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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