Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
