ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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