shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
