I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
