i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
