What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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