you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
