we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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