If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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