Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
