Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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