come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
