He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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