he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
