I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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