I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want a musical about memes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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