in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
