I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
