Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
