Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
