I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
