hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
