Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
