Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
