I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
