Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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