I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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