If i come over, it means nothing
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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