haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
