dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
should my penis look like a turkey
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
