she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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