It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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