You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
