He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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