I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
