My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
