So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
