Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
