$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
