when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You are the jesus of drinking
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
