Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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