I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
