You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
