i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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