my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
