My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
